Hopeless Love, Jasper and Alice Fanfic
by BlodreinaBeauty
Summary: This begins with Jasper and Alice meeting. It goes through their lives before the Cullens and with the Cullens, throughout Jasper's struggles and his triumphs, always with Alice by his side. It changes from perspective depending on the chapter. All Cullens will be a part of the story later on. Please Review! I don't own anything Twilight.
1. Chapter 1

I had never seen someone so beautiful in my life. She was short even sitting down but her hair was spiky and a dark color. I tried to see her eyes but she wasn't looking at me quite yet.

I don't know why I came here. I just feel so scared and so hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore. I have felt everything for far too long now. There are people around and I can smell their blood. I can smell the the sweet scent of each person, the way that the young children's blood smells sweeter and more pure than the others. There was a drunk in here that I could smell too. His blood would taste bitter. And the sad part is that I would drink it if I was thirsty enough though I wouldn't like it.

I walked forward and I saw her get up.

When she arrived over to me I saw just how small she was but she looked up into my eyes and I couldn't even remember why I was here because it seemed as if this was the reason anything ever happened standing here right in front of me.

Then I felt everything. Love. True love. And desire and passion. But most of all hope.

I look her hand without making sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century I felt hope.

"You kept me waiting a long time." She says. Did I? I hadn't realized.

"My apologizes ma'am." I respond.

She smiles and it makes me almost smile back but I don't really remember what a smile looks like on my face anymore. I don't remember what it feels like either. It doesn't feel like something that I am allowed to feel anymore.

I knew she was a vampire by her scent so she must have smelled that I was one too. But she looked like she knew more about me than I did myself. Her hand was much softer under my rough scarred one. I am ashamed quickly and about to pull my hand away but I see that hope in her eyes when I look up again and I trust her.

That is something I have not done in years but I do now. I trust her.

"I'm Alice Brandon." She tells me.

Alice. Wow. It was simple and yet so detailed inside. It was very pretty and not too loud of a name but not something that can be overlooked. She was too stunning to be overlooked by anyone. I feel as if everyone in here has been looking at her. But she has only ever looked at me.

I am not used to that but I am a little proud. She rests our hands intertwined together down in between us but doesn't drop my gaze.

"I would tell you my name but I believe that you know it already, Miss. Alice."

"Yes Jasper I do. Why don't you come take a walk with me?"

I nod agreeing and I don't know why.

But I held her hand as we took a walk in a park that didn't have many people at all. Then she explained everything. She told me all about everything that happened. She told me about herself and about me and everything she saw.

By the time she is through explaining I understand that I won't have to tell her much about where I have been. I can tell her mood the entire time. She feels hopeful she fells happy and delighted and glad that I finally found her. It seemed that I had been keeping her waiting a long time. I had been far too depressed to see her but I don't feel that way now.

"Jasper I want you to know that you can trust me with everything. My gift only goes so far. I don't know everything about your past. I will only listen when you wish to tell me about it. I won't force you into anything."

That's where it got me. She wasn't going to force me. I could decide for myself. I have been listening to Maria for so long that I wasn't sure what it felt like to be able to make my own decisions without worrying about the consequences or the punishments that could be inflicted with Maria and Nettie around.

"Thank you Alice. I don't think you realize how happy that really makes me." I tell her.

"I don't know the way you do but I can imagine." She says with that smile again.

"Where do you plan on going?" I ask.

She tells me about this family that she calls "vegetarians" I didn't quite understand what that meant until she told me. They only feed off of the blood of animals and they survive that way. There are five of them. She tells me that they are wonderful people and that they aren't expecting us but that they will love us when we do arrive.

Carlisle is the leader of the clan and he is a human doctor. I didn't at all understand how that worked and when she began to explain she realized that it was making me uncomfortable so she stopped and moved on to the next coven member.

He is married to a woman named Esme that sounded like a wonderful mother I would love to have for the last few years when all I felt was hate and a strange kind of dark passion.

Rosalie would be my new sister I learned and that she and I looked quite similar. She was beautiful though but I couldn't imagine anyone looking more gorgeous than Alice Brandon is.

Rosalie is with a man named Emmett Cullen who loves fights and is rather funny. I am excited to meet my new brother. He seems like someone I would like to get along with.

Edward was one of the first Cullen's and he is still a son of Carlisle and Esme. He doesn't have a mate but I learn that he doesn't need one. He has a special gift like Alice and I. But he is able to read minds. That is a strange and very powerful gift I decided.

She told me that we would meet these people and that they would love us. I tried to trust her. I knew that I would. It's just that I don't know if I can meet such a nice family and be a happy part of it.

"Don't worry," she says, "I'll help you."

And the best part is that I didn't have to let go of her hand the entire time.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the next chapter in the book. Yes, it goes in order with the occasional flashback. Please review! I see some readers so come on guys, lets share the Alice and Jasper love! Thanks! Enjoy!**

 **Alice POV**

"Alice it has been rather…difficult as you may have imagined for me to control myself around human blood." He says.

"I know. It's okay. I'm here to help you now. You don't have to be alone."

"You have no idea how good that makes me feel."

"No but you do." I smile.

He smiles back too. He has been smiling a lot more with me than he did in my visions. I like that. I barley ever let go of his hand and he never tells me to. I don't feel protective over him compared to other people. He feels protective over me that way. But I do feel protective over him because of himself. I don't want him to do something that will hurt him. And I know that he would try.

Then we are running through the woods together. We make it to a heard of deer. I can smell them from far away. I can just imagine the taste of them clenching the burning in my throat. But Jasper doesn't imagine that quite yet.

I tug on his hand to pull him forward and I spring on a deer letting my teeth sink into its flesh and the blood pool into my mouth. It feels so good down my throat. I know that I will be much better with it like this. Jasper finishes two off and then goes back to holding my hand. He is much less messy with hunting than he was before. He used to ruin his good clothes all of the time!

Of course I didn't mind getting him new ones. But that meant that the other ones were ruined for no good reason and I couldn't have given them to good will. Which is a very nice thing to do.

We keep charging through the woods. We aren't far from a town. While hunting Jasper keeps trying to go towards it but I steer him away. He is still thirsty. We have to get something bigger before he-

That's when I smell a sweet tasty scent that sends all of my senses on a rampage. It could be so good! Oh!

Then Jasper is off running after whatever it was. A human no doubt and a girl. I can see things like this of course in advance but I haven't perfected my abilities yet and I am not very good at watching for more than one possible future. This was not the one I was expecting. It seemed the least likely. But I am bad at deciding that too at the moment.

Oh well I guess I will just have to deal with it.

I grab his hand and try to pull him back but he is already off and running letting go of me. I chase after him but he is fast too fast for me during a hunt.

"Jasper stop! Come back!" I yell but there is no use he is already gone to get the creature. It is a young women with dark long hair and she is sort of pretty but very shallow. It might be sort of a tragedy when she dies. Well she was going to be murdered by her boyfriend anyway so I guess I should let Jasper have her. Not that I have a choice given he is so far away from me right now. I would like to stop him because I know that he will hate himself afterwards.

This is one of our first hunts together though we haven't left each other since we met a few weeks ago. At first Jasper said he wanted to hunt alone then he decided that I could go but we had only been twice. Now I go with him every time and this is what happens. I am not very good at controlling him yet but I soon will be. I will learn.

"Jazz! You don't want to do this!" I call after him. But then I can do nothing but watch as he springs for her and sinks his teeth into her neck. She calls out for help but then just makes gurgling noises until she is dead.

I sigh because I know that he is able to feel what she feels right now and he will not be happy with himself. I rush over to him right before he realizes what he did and he falls on the ground his shoulders shaking.

"Jazz?" I ask and try to touch his back.

"I killed her." He whispers.

"I'm sorry I couldn't see her. It's my fault I should have watched."

"No Alice!" he shouts. Then I hear him cry, really cry for the first time since we have met. You would think someone who is depressed would cry a lot but he doesn't want to around me. I rest my hand on his back, sitting beside him.

"It's okay Jasper." I promise him, "You'll be okay."

I feel his shoulders shudder again.

"I'm so sorry Alice. I'm so-"

"Stop. Sh." I hush him. I don't want to hear his apologies. I know how bad he is feeling right now.

He tries to stop the sadness but he really doesn't know how. I wrap my arm around him as far as my small arm will go and rest my head on his shoulder. I put my hand on his knee and whisper to him as he tries to calm down.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to." He mumbles.

"I know. You are doing better. You'll be okay Jazz. You'll get better." I promise him.

"Don't leave." He whispers.

"I'm not going to leave you." I promise him, "I'll never leave you."


	3. Chapter 3

**RATED M. RATED M for talk of unwanted sexual content. Yes, this is about Jasper talking about Maria. It's not explicit but it's clear. If you don't want that, don't read it. It's mostly hurt/comfort. RATED M just in case.**

Jasper is laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I have been sitting not far from him for a while now, watching what he thinks. He likes to do this sometimes, feel like he is alone. But he gets sad. I can always tell. I stand up. He senses my emotional change and sits up to look at me. He holds his hand out. I take it and smile at him. He pulls me closer to sit on his lap.

"You're so beautiful," he says with a smile.

"Thank you. You're quite handsome yourself," I say.

"That's only because you can't see the rest of me."

"Only because you will not let me. I have seen that future, love. I will not be disappointed."

He nods. He is afraid of it anyway and he will be afraid then too. I will not try to see the future for us. I like some of the surprise that he brings. It often changes anyway.

"Far into the future, my Alice," he says.

"No. No, not too far."

This makes him nervous so I put my hand in his hair and kiss him once. He kisses me back but he is clearly reluctant.

"Whenever you are ready," I add.

"I want to tell you something," he says. "And I am so terribly afraid to tell you. I am so afraid that you will leave one you know. I don't…Alice, I…god, I don't know how to say this. A thousand apologies, ma'am," he says. I rest my hand on the side of his face. He leans into it. It is clear he wants some kind of comfort. I am clam. He can feel that.

"You may tell me whatever you want, whenever you must," I tell him. "I will always listen."

He nods, almost as if he wants to be ready to tell me but he is unsure if he can make himself. I touch his face and rest my hand on the back of his neck.

"It was about my time there. Killing so many. I can still feel their fear on occasion. I fear you do not deserve a man like me. I am too hurt, too injured and too ugly for you to love."

"No. No! Of course not. I do love you. I love you for all of that. I want to be with you forever. You are my mate. I will love for every one of your faults and every one of your triumphs. I will love you for everything."

He smiles at me, taking me in his hands and kissing me hard. He pulls me back so that I lay beside him, tangled in his body as we kiss. He kisses me more and more, faster and letting his hands travel further. His hands are on my dress, over my waist and then over my hips. He kisses my neck and holds my head in his hand. After a few long minutes, he stops and looks in my eyes.

"I can't," he says.

"We can stop, Jazz. It's okay. I'll never push you," I say. "I don't need that."

"I love you," he says.

I smile.

"I love you too."

"I want you to know something, Alice," he says.

"Alright."

"It may take me a while to say."

"That's alright, my love."

I rest my hand on the side of his face. He loves it when I do that. I know he feels the comfort. I cannot see what he will tell me or even if he will tell me anything at all.

"I cannot be intimate with you, yet," he says.

"Alright. I wasn't—"

"I know," he says. "I cannot because…of something that happened. And I will one day because you're my mate. I love you. I want to tell you. Maria…she…When I was with her it wasn't always what I wanted."

"Say it, Jazz," I encourage him.

If he could cry, he would be.

He is breathing heavily, though he doesn't need the air. He squeezes me tightly to him, almost as if he needs my closeness. His hair is tattered and his face is flushed.

"Maria…she…when we…"

I wait.

"Maria raped me," he says.

Oh god.

"I never wanted what she did. At first...maybe. But later...she...she used my gift against me and I-"

"It's okay, Jazz. You don't have to tell me anything else. I understand."

"Oh, Alice!"

I hold onto him tightly, letting him bury his face in my chest and curl into me. I held him close, stroking his hair and squeezing around his back. He cries into me, terrified and trying to breathe. He rests his head on me. He does this for hours. I never let go of him. I never want to.

"It's okay my Jasper," I say. "Jazz. That is all over now. She will never get to you again. We will protect each other and we will always be there. I will never let her hurt you and in time you will heal with me. You will forget what she did to you because you will have the most amazing time with me. I am here Jazz."

He calms down after a while but he stays in my arms. It is the only place I want him to be.

"You're safe here," I promise him.

He nods against my shoulder. I brush my fingers through his beautiful hair. I hold him close to me and kiss his forehead. I let him cry, get angry, anything he might need to.

"I'm scared, Alice," he admits.

"No need, my love. No need. You are safe right here. There is nothing to be scared of. She is gone. Maria can never get to you again. Besides, if she did, you and I would never let that happen. I would protect you this time."

I can feel him nod again.

"Thank you, Ally."

"No need to thank me. I will always care for you. Whatever you need, however slow or fast you want to go, wherever we may travel together, we will always be just that...together. I promise, Jazz."


	4. Chapter 4

**Alice and Jasper meet the Cullens. Alice POV. Preview please! More chapters to come!**

"They won't like me the way they will be used to you my Alice. You are a much better vegetarian then I am." He whispers.

"I know. It'll be fine." I promise him holding onto his hand tight. We have been looking for them for a while now and I finally got exactly where they were in Alaska. We got a location. So we decided there was no better time than the present. But Jasper has some concerns about how he will fit in with them.

I drop his hand as we run through the forest to arrive at their house. No one is expecting me of course but I know each and every one of them much better than I should. I stop a mile in front of the house. They will be able to hear us soon so I should tell Jasper about them first. I have told him everything I know but I can see them now and I just want him to be prepared.

"Jazz, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie are inside. Edward and Emmett went out to hunt. They will be surprised but Esme will like us a lot and Carlisle will too once he trusts us. Don't worry about Rosalie she will be a great sister once she understands us. She is just a bit of a pain as you well know." I tell him.

He nods.

"Don't be nervous Alice you'll make me more nervous than I am." He says.

"Okay. Come on," I pull him along with me and we take off in a full sprint towards our new family. Once outside Carlisle and Esme are already out with Rosalie far behind not ready to fight or greet us. I come up to them and Carlisle holds out his hand. I hold Jaspers hand as I walk close to him.

"Hello Carlisle." I greet him.

"I'm sorry do I know you from somewhere?"

"No. But I know you. Don't worry I mean you no harm. We are going to be a wonderful family together. I'm Alice." I say and shake his hand.

"I have a feeling she is a little intuitive, Carlisle." Esme says quietly.

"You would be correct, Esme."

She nods towards me.

"This is Jasper." I tell them.

"Your mate?" Esme asks.

"Yes ma'am. Pleasure to meet you." Jasper says and shakes her hand. He is good with meeting other vampires even if he is a little skeptical since Maria, Nettie and Lucy. I keep a hold of his hand.

"This is our adoptive daughter Rosalie." Carlisle says, "But I suppose you already knew that."

"Yes I did. I also know that Edward and Emmett are out hunting. I think we will be great friends, Edward and I."

"Well you seem to be right most of the time Alice." Esme says.

"The quicker I learned that the quicker Alice and I became closer." Jasper says with a smile. I smile back at him reassuringly. I want him to feel comfortable with our new family. We don't have to change. It will be better here.

"So what room can I move into?" I ask quickly.

They all look at me confused but I am not joking. They just laugh and I try to brush it off because I will pick whichever one I want.

"Why don't you come in?" Carlisle asks.

"Thank you, sir." Jasper says cordially and I just link my arm with his as we walk in. It looks just like it did in my visions.

"We will all be a wonderful family. And I will tell you all about Jasper and myself quite soon but it seems that Edward and Emmett are going to appear home soon so I would like to move in before then." I tell them. I take Jaspers hand pulling him along up to Edward's room. Emmett shares a room with Rosalie and Esme and Carlisle share a room. There is one extra one that is sort of attached to a bathroom upstairs that will do just fine for my closet.

After pulling Jasper upstairs he helps me move all of Edward's things into the garage. He won't mind much. He doesn't have anyone to be with inside of a room so I guess that is part of why he won't care. And he will like me. We will be great friends one day I already know.

Once all of his things are moved Edward and Emmett comes home. I travel downstairs with Jasper right behind me.

"I don't know whose thoughts those are. There's someone here." Edward says from outside. Emmett hisses in response.

"They are here peacefully Emmett don't get all worked up." He insists.

"Edward. If they aren't one of us they are dangerous." Emmett says.

"They are one of us. You just haven't met them yet. Come here." Edward says.

Emmett and Edward come insides seconds later and Emmett goes right to Rosalie's side as if protecting her.

"I'm Alice." I tell him, "I am here peacefully I assure you. We are vegetarians just as you are."

Emmett seems to settle a bit but he doesn't move from protecting Rosalie.

"My name is Jasper Whitlock." He says holding out his hand to our new younger brother.

"Emmett Cullen." He says and shakes his hand.

"Alice?"

"Yes Edward?" I ask turning to him.

"Why are my things in the garage?"

"Well I had to put my things somewhere."

And to that he just laughs.

"Perhaps we should get to know you both. I would like to hear about how you made your way all the way over here. Not many people practice the same things that we do." Carlisle says.

"Of course. That sounds lovely." I agree. I never let go of Jaspers hand as I pull him along with me. We all sit on the couches in the living room. Emmett keeps an arm around Rosalie while Edward leans in to listen to our story.

So I tell them all of it. I tell them everything and it takes hours but it is fun and interesting and they enjoy listening to it. Edward tries to fill in things that he can see that the others don't understand. He does a rather good job at that and smiles back to me.

"That is all quite interesting Alice." I have no idea what happened to me in my human life besides of what happened to me when I was a vampire and how I found Jasper. But Jasper explains everything that happened to him in full detail. I keep a hand on him because I know this can be difficult to talk about. He has told me some of the more…intimate stories that he won't mention to the others.

"I'm sorry that happened to you Jasper. But I would like to offer you a nice home from now on." Esme says with a smile.

"Your gifts must be rather difficult. We only have Edward that has such things." Carlisle says.

"Oh yes. One could not possibly understand what it is like to have constant visions of the future." I say, "And to feel others emotions is more erratic and confusing than most gifts."

"I can't imagine." Esme says.

"I'm just glad to have another fighter in the family." Emmett says and gives Jasper a very bro like high five that I smile at.

"Alice I think that we will be great friends." Edward says with that grin.

"Oh I think you're right."

"And my Alice is always right." Jasper offers.

Then Carlisle smiles at us and says,

"Welcome to the family."


	5. Chapter 5

A perfect time to dance and sing because you don't have enough money to do anything else better. But hey what could be better than dancing with my perfect lover? So when I saw him asking me about I was overjoyed. I tried to hide it but I couldn't at least not from him. He was able to feel it the second I knew. He brought me up to my room when I was hanging up some of my dresses and smiled at me.

"Alice. I suppose you already know what I am going to ask you. But I am going to ask you it anyway." He tells me quietly.

I smile up at him running my fingers in his light hair.

"Alice Brandon Cullen would you do like to go dancing with me?" he asks holding our hands together.

"I would love to!" I tell him and kiss his lips once, "When are we leaving?"

"Tonight around seven. Sound all right?" he asks.

"Sounds perfect." I nod smiling.

It's already three. That only gives me four hours to get ready and I don't even know what to wear! I better have something good that I have never worn before! I should have thought of something before when I saw him ask me!

"Jazz, I don't have anything to wear!" I say suddenly.

"Sure you do. You always do. It's a fun place. Don't stress about what you wear. You always look perfect." He says touching my hair out of my face. I lean into his hand.

"I better start getting ready." I tell him.

"I'll pick you up at seven my lady." He says with a nod of his head and then he is gone and the door closes behind him.

Now I have to rush! Quickly I run to my closet where I begin looking in the dress section. The first one I find is much to pink! And then I could wear the one with the fringe at the end but I am afraid that wouldn't be enough. And this one has way too much sparkle for dancing! This one doesn't move. I can't wear something long to dance in! This is too wide for me to move in much less dance! I am having a real crisis.

Then I turn the corner dissatisfied and find a dress that I haven't worn before. I don't know how I didn't see before someone brought it in. I must have been too busy thinking about the dancing and the other visions to notice. It wasn't danger and it wasn't that important. Or at least I thought it wasn't. But it was. It was very important and I am very grateful.

The dress is blue down to my knees and has a line of sparkles right down the middle. It flows towards the bottom just enough so I can dance it and the fringe is just perfect all around it so when I move everyone knows it's me. I put it on and look in the mirror. Perfect. I decide a nice shade of pink will do for my lips and I comb out my hair even though it pretty much just stays down. Sometimes I wish it were longer like when I get dressed up but there isn't much I can do about it. I could get a wig but that would just be so much hassle. I like it this way I guess.

By the time I am done everything I notice a note that was left on the floor where my dress was hung up. I pick it up and realize it is from Esme.

"Jasper told me about where you're going. I thought you might need this. It's from my first date with Carlisle." The note reads.

Jasper comes to pick me up at my room just like he said he would right at seven. He holds out his arm and I wrap my hand around it holding onto his sleeve. He is wearing a blue shirt and a bow tie that happens to match my dress. This makes me very happy.

"Did Carlisle give that to you?" I ask.

"Sure did. Did Esme-?"

"Yes."

He takes me in one of Carlisle's cars that he said he borrowed. It was nice. I held his hand in the passenger seat and looked over at him smiling. When we arrive he opens the door for me and I loop my arm in his until we get inside. Everything in here is so bright! Everyone is in pretty colors and the lights are bright. There is the disgusting smell of food that I try to ignore as well as the smell of people and sweat. I don't like it but I like…this.

Jasper takes me to the dance floor where they play one of our favorite jazz songs. I get excited and grab his arm pulling him out to dance with me. He gets a huge smile on his face too and spins me around.

We dance together twirling around and flipping me and dancing close together. At the end of the song we both realize we have created a crowd. They all clap for us. I look over at Jasper with loving eyes and laugh. He bows and I curtsy graciously.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" they chant suddenly. I look up into his eyes radiating happiness and warmth.

He leans down with both hands on my back to support me and leans me down to kiss me feverishly on the mouth. Then I can feel his smile under the kiss and he lifts me back up pulling away but keeping his arms around me.

"I love you Alice."

"I love you too."

The crowd has dissipated and we dance for several more hours. Eventually a slow song comes on and I rest my head against his chest as we dance slowly together one of our hands together and the other rests on his back. It's so perfect and so gentle and so…together and I love it.

"Jazz."

"Hm?"

"This is perfect."

"Only the best for you my Alice."


	6. Chapter 6

**RATED M for talking about sexual content. Emmett tries to help Jasper. They talk about sex. Don't like it, don't read it. I respect that. RATED M. RATED M. Somewhat graphic in dialogue because it's Emmett talking. Jasper POV.**

After hunting for a few hours Emmett stops me. I know what he was trying to get me to do but I so didn't want to talk about it. That was just not in my agenda for this evening.

"So you and Alice decided to have sex right?" he asks, finally as we sit back in the woods. I just prop myself against a tree. This should be good. I decided.

"Yeah. We so don't need to do this. I have had sex before, Emmett."

"But she hasn't. Not even in her human years. So everything is still…you know in tact." He says.

"Great. Emmett. Shut up." I tell him. I don't want him talking about my woman and I don't really want to talk to him about this situation at all.

"It's gonna hurt her at first."

"I know, Emmett!"

"Look dude, don't get frustrated. I am your brother. It's my job to give you some pointers," he says.

"Em I have-"

"Yeah. But not when you wanted to, right Jazz?"

I am taken back. I don't talk about that. How would he know? Alice didn't tell anyone about what Maria did to me. I told them some but I didn't know he knew the entire thing. How did he figure out that it wasn't…my choice when Maria and I had sex?

I was embarrassed by it and he could tell. It was just on the long list of things that I was terribly ashamed of.

"Jasper, it's okay. I'm your brother now, well the cooler one. You can tell me whatever you want," he says.

I look up at him meeting his eyes. He is serious.

"Plus, you aren't going to get much advice from Edward besides from his hand. And that is _so_ not the same thing."

"Okay, Emmett."

I am nervous about this with Ally. I thought that I loved Maria. But now memories of her all confused. I only think of the bad ones if I think of them at all. I have never been in control and I know that is what Alice will want. But I am going to have to let her have some of it or I am not sure I will be able to continue.

I feel like I am drowning. I have images of her pushing her breasts in my face, holding me down, forcing her lust on me to make me erect. It makes me want to gag.

I nod.

"Maria. Tell me about it," Emmett says, putting a hand on my shoulder and then dropping it quickly. He looks like he wants to help me. Maybe I should let him know.

"When I was with Maria, she did manipulate me. For a while I wanted it, wanted her, loved her even. But later I realized she was making me feel those things and she forced me to…have sex with her. But it wasn't painful; it was just wrong. I hate playing the guilt card. I am not a victim," I explain.

"Yes, you are. You don't have to act like one. But you are a victim Jasper. We all were." I wait for him to explain.

"I was mauled by a bear. Alice was forced into an insane asylum. Edward had influenza. Esme lost her baby and commited suicide. Rosalie was raped and murdered. You were raped and forced to live a lie," he says. I know he is right. He sits across from me, looking at me now.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course, I am. But I wanted to tell you Rosalie couldn't remember her rape as well as you can remember whatever you want to call what Maria did. But she did have problems the first time. Before we did anything when I was taking off her clothes she told me she would rather do it because they forced them off of her."

I know that I don't want to hear about what Emmett and Rosalie's first time was like but I do know that this is a good story and I want him to help me.

"She was never self conscious until she did that. They told her terrible things about herself. I had to reconstruct that inside of her head. She didn't have any flashbacks or whatever the hell you call them. But I have seen you remember things like that before Jasper. I know that you can't forget no matter how hard you try," he continues. "But it helped Rosalie when I reminded her that it was only me. I had to tell her that I was the one who was with her and not anyone else. Eventually she actually liked it."

"Okay, stop the story there, Emmett. She's still my sister. I don't want to know the rest," I say with a smile. "But that does help. Thanks."

"Can I ask something weird? I mean she's my sister but…I just don't want to do anything wrong," I say.

"Sure, of course."

"Is it better for her to be in control or for you to?"

"For her," he says honestly. "She wasn't in control when it happened so it's better for her to be. You and Alice ever make out?"

I nod.

"Does she sit on you?"

I nod again.

"Does it freak you out sometimes?"

"Yeah."

"Same thing. It'll be better for you if you're, ya know, on top," he says. That does make sense. I agree.

"Now for the mechanics involved," he says, clapping and rubbing his hands together. I shake my head but let him go on. This is just bro-talk as he called it when he asked me to go out hunting with him this morning. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

"Emmett, I know how to do it."

"No. Not the way a girl like Alice wants it done, buddy boy."

"Okay then enlighten me," I say because I know he will not let me leave until he does. So I sit back and wait for him to tell me.

"It makes it easier if you jerk off before hand. If you don't then you might get a little carried away. I don't think Alice would get mad but Rosalie does. So just passing it along. And make sure you look at her because…that's the best part," he says. I just shake my head but I do listen to what he has to tell me.

"Have you ever had her touch you?" he asks.

"I shake my head."

"Lonely showers?"

I nod with a small laugh.

"Well you should probably let her touch you first. I wouldn't rush into sex. Maybe do some other stuff first."

"Alright."

I am trying to think of this very mechanically.

"If they ask for something on their first time, you should probably do it because it would make them more comfortable and you want them to enjoy it as much as you are going to. There is a lot of things to think about like to have music or not have music. Then there is under the covers or on top of them. Oh! And don't get yourself too worked up during foreplay because-"

"Okay Emmett! Thanks! I got it!" I tell him because I don't need to know anymore. I am ready enough for her. I just hope that I can be good enough for my Alice.

"You're freaking me out a little bit, man," I admit.

"Sorry. You'll be alright. Just listen to her. It's more important that it feels good for the both of you and that you're gentle."

I agree.

Thank god, that's over.


	7. Chapter 7

**RATED M. This one contains material of Alice and Rosalie having a parallel conversation. Rated M.**

"I'm afraid that Jasper won't let me see him or something. I think that he is nervous about what I will think of him." I tell her.

"Have you seen it?"

"Yeah a few times. But all different ways I have been trying to avoid it. I want it to happen however it naturally does. We've showered together before, when he lets me see his scars. But I've never touched him to get him off."

"Really?"

I nod.

"You should probably do that first. He's gonna come really quickly. So do that before you do anything else. Don't rush sex. It's good to know that you're okay with it. But that doesn't mean you have to do it."

I agree.

"What about Maria? Does he freak out when you guys make out?" she says folding her legs on the couch. I lean back.

"Yeah he has before. He said that sometimes he thinks too much of her. I have to remind him that it is me and it will only ever be me ever again." I say.

"That helped me with our first time. Emmett kept reminding me that it was him and after a few times there was nothing for me to worry about. But if he asks for something specific then you should do it. He will be less nervous if you let him. Like I took my own clothes off because Royce and his buddies forced mine off of me before." She says.

I nod taking it all in.

"Does he like being on top?" she asks.

I nod.

"That's from the rape. He remembers all of his a lot more then I do. But I still would rather be in charge the first few times before I forgot about all of them."

She seems to be thinking but that is helpful information. Maybe I should let him take charge more often.

"Oh and he is going to get really excited very fast. So you might want to you know…do it before you do it." She says.

"Rosalie." I warn.

"It would just make it easier for him to hold out later so that you have time to you know…too." She says, "You can always move their hand down there. He'll like that. Emmett freaked out when I-"

"Okay. Rosalie, I got the picture remember?" I ask her as her first time plays through my mind.

"Right sorry. Well that will help everything feel a lot better for you. And if he doesn't because sometimes they get a little distracted. Then you can always do it. But Emmett says he likes it better when he does it. Oh and never fake it. They will figure that out especially with Jasper's gift. And that could be bad. Just let it happen. If you don't get to during then tell him after and he will fix it for you. That's happened a few times." She says.

"He'll do most of the work you just get to enjoy yourself and tell him where not to put it. It can be…uncomfortable at first. Just be patient it won't feel like that the entire time. Plus it is so worth watching their amazing expressions when they-"

"Yeah I get it. Thanks. Is Emmett freaking Jasper out right now?" I ask.

"Probably. He told me he was going to give Jasper pointers."

"He doesn't need them."

"Well you know Emmett."

"That's true."


	8. Chapter 8

**RATED M. RATED M. Rated M. Rated M. Not graphic but worth being rated M in case. Alice POV.**

I lean up to kiss him for several minutes before I can't take it anymore and I push his hops against the back door. I watch as he reaches his hand down to lock the door.

"I don't want to be interrupted." He whispers.

"Me either my Jasper." I whisper back, "But we don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"I think I should be the one telling you that ma'am."

I just smile back. His smile is so perfect and so happy and so mine that I cannot make myself miss a second of it. I push my lips up to his again and this time I push my hand in his blonde hair pulling him down to meet me. He reacts right away and kisses me harder. When he does this he throws his face towards me so that we are really kissing now when he suddenly pulls his hands down to my hips where he holds me there pushing my hips onto his.

"Promise me that you will tell me anything. Okay?" I ask him.

He nods without a smile.

I kiss him again pushing his shoulders back against the wall and letting him dip his tongue into my mouth where he works there before trailing it along the side of my face down to my neck. I try not to but I fail and moan slightly in pleasure at the beautiful feelings he is creating against me.

I push his sleeves up slightly but he grabs both of my hands and pulls them to his chest where he rests them there. I let him keep them there so I kiss him back this time on his neck pushing my mouth onto him. Then I am moving my body against his. I hold onto the fabric of his shirt as we kiss. And as it gets more intense I graze my teeth across his neck but I don't want to do more if it will scare him.

"Don't be nervous darling." He whispers against my ear so I do bite his neck and he moans holding onto both of my hips tightly. He leans his head forward against my neck and bites me there softly so that I can feel what he feels. Wow it is amazing. I just want him to keep doing it. And he does, he keeps doing until I am worked up into a frenzy.

"Jasper please." I whisper against him. I don't mean to but it sort of just happened. It is very quiet. Then I push my hands against the buttons on his shirt trying to pull it away.

"Not yet, Alice. Please." He says.

I nod towards him and take his hand kissing him as I walk backwards by our bed. I fall back even though I knew exactly where it was and then I kiss his lips as he hovers over me. He turns us around quickly so that he is sitting against the headboard with my legs around either hip. I fit perfectly on him like this. And I can't help but wonder if I will fit perfectly with him like…that.

"Don't be nervous either Jazz. I love you." I whisper to him.

"I love you too Alice. But you have no idea how bad-"

"Stop. I know what you are going to say. Just stop. You must know how I feel about you." I say holding my hands behind his head. He looks up at me with both hands on my hips holding them tight.

"Lust, love, passion, want, need, nervousness, and some level of newness and opportunity." He says.

"That all sounds about right." I decide. I lean down to kiss his cheek and then move my mouth over to his.

"Honesty right?" he asks.

"Yeah. What is it?"

"She used to uh…tell me what to do. And then afterwards she would leave. Can you um…can you stay? I mean don't…don't leave me." He says. I look into his eyes holding him close to me.

"I won't leave. And I won't tell you what to do. I'll ask." I promise him. He nods and leans in for another kiss.

"Can you take your shirt off?" he asks, "First."

I nod with a smile and pull back so that I can pull it over my chest and head tossing it away to the side. I have a bra on underneath but that is all. He still has his long sleeve shirt on. I can see only his hands that are scarred in so many places and his forearms that are also indented with marks.

"Trust me Jasper. I love everything about you." I tell him. He nods and I unbutton the first button. He looks away with disgust and I can see the pain on his face as I unbutton all the way down to his stomach. But he must feel what I feel.

He is so beautiful. He is more unique and more interesting than I have ever seen in a man before. His pectoral muscles were scared barley one mark over where his perfectly lovely heart would be frozen in time for me. Then there was the bite marks and the clear finger nail marks that must have clawed against his perfect skin across his entire stomach a few on his sides and up to his collar bone. But the ones on his chest looked more like bite marks or claw marks. And I can't imagine he was fighting without a shirt on or getting that ripped up since he was so good. So most of these scars are not only from the newborns but from…Maria.

He doesn't offer any words to me right now. But when I realize this I feel bad for him and I know that I shouldn't but I do. I don't want to because I love him but he never deserved this.

I rush my fingers across his chest down to his stomach and hold onto him there while a smile spreads across my face of the beauty that I see in him. He is so much more interesting than the average body. There is so much more to look at.

I push his shirt off of his shoulders and on the ground where mine went and then I lean down to meet my stomach to his so that I can kiss him. He doesn't return the kiss right away. He is too disgusted with himself to do that but he does look back at me when I am smiling at him.

"You are beautiful and so intriguing my Jasper." I tell him and kiss him again. This time he kisses me back. He can feel what I think about him so he must have to trust me.

We kiss again this time and I push myself against him when he starts to pull away. I try to make him stop so that he can feel just as much love as I have for him. But he is really pushing me away now.

"No. Alice. Please I need to stop." He says. Then I know that he means it. I pull away from him.

"Tell me."

"I just need a break. I was remembering…"

"It's okay." I tell him and touch his hair softly. He looks up at me and this time he is the one to lean up and kiss me softly. I try to avoid watching what he will do next but I can tell he is becoming more comfortable with the entire thing. He must feel my lust for him and know that I trust him enough for him to lead me. But I think that for the first time he wants me to lead a little bit without telling him what to do like Maria did.

I touch his face gently. I watch as his eyes travel down my face right before my breasts but he stops and looks back up at me.

"My Alice may I look at you?"

"Of course." I tell him. He holds onto my hips and traces his eyes down all the way until he sees my breasts where he smiles and lets his fingers trace over my stomach and down on my thighs that are mostly bare besides the short that are still on.

"I think I am okay now, Alice." He whispers.

I smile and nod.

"May I take your pants off Mr. Hale?" I ask with a smile.

"Yes ma'am."


	9. Chapter 9

**Alice POV.**

We are pretending to be sophomores. We can pull it off with my help of course. There is some make up and clothes and hair that needs to be fixed but by the time I am finished we all look like we belong at the school as sixteen year olds. Really I am three years older than that as are many of my adopted siblings. The only one close to sixteen is Edward at seventeen. The second class of the day is History. The beginning of the semester we go over things that we are already used to. We are only a few weeks in. Today is the Civil War. We will talk about it for two weeks or so. We studied it a little in middle school but it was not that long ago. It's 1953. Okay so maybe to the humans it was a while ago but it did not seem very long off to me.

I wear my bright red lipstick and cross my legs under my polka dot skirt at my desk when I pull my book out. I sit in front of Jasper. I smile at him as we see each other before the bell rings. I touch his hand and feel his tenseness. I look questioningly at him.

"Jazz?"

"The war is today," he says.

"Don't be nervous."

"Trying," he offers.

I turn back around as the teacher starts talking. She goes through the Confederates and the Union. She goes through battles and troops and the importance back home. She mentions a man named, "Caraway" and I can feel the air shift behind me.

"Not a known man, I know," she says. "But the most interesting stories are the smaller ones. He was a young man, fought along side many other soldiers. He was just one in millions that fought in this war. As he was charging the field at his first battle he came upon his best friend. His best friend and him lived together in Texas before Caraway was forced to move with his family to a Union state right before the Civil War began. They stood there and stared at each other. The other soldier by the name of Whitlock-"

I try not to gasp. I lean my hand behind me, under the desk and flex it open. Jasper grabs my hand and squeezes so hard if it were a human he would break my bones. I hold onto him just as tight. I want to tell him it's okay. But I can't. I knew this would happen. Well I knew something like this would happen. Not this exactly. I try not to watch everything that Jasper and I are going to do because that leaves life incredibly uninteresting and I hate uninteresting. In fact I like quite the lively bit of life together.

"…Caraway began to back away. Whitlock starred at the man but did not shoot. He could have, he was close enough to gut him if he wanted to-" at that Jasper flinches. "But he didn't do that either. He let the man walk backwards. Before Whitlock could do anything another Confederate soldier shot him from the side and went down. He then heard shouting orders to flank right. Whitlock starred at his friend as he lay dying and bleeding on the ground-" Another flinch but this time I tried to be as positive as I could be.

I felt hope, I felt happiness and love and tried to send all of it to him. I know he is hurting badly. I have to make it better. I think of how he kissed me last night. I think of how he took my clothes off, how he touched my short hair and told me I was beautiful. He could feel my emotions over everyone in the world. He told me that once. It is like my voice is louder in Edward's head than other voices are. Well my emotions are louder in Jasper's veins too.

"And he left because he had to. That was the terrible fact of the Civil War. These two people were best friends and they had no choice but to fight each other. And even when they chose not to kill each other, they were forced to leave the other for dead, which may be just as bad as if they put the bullet in Caraway himself."

There is a long silent pause. We have three minutes left of class and I think we are going to skip the rest of the day and the rest of the week and the rest of next week. I didn't think she would tell that story. That was a last minute decision and I am so very terrible at reading those. Actually I am not great at figuring out how to read futures of people I don't know well anyway. I can always try.

"Whitlock doesn't have a first name. Of course he did at one point but no one knows his first name. He vanished as many did in the war. He was probably perished too badly to be able to tell who he was…many were."

I stand and grab my bag.

The bell rings.

I throw it over my shoulder but don't let go of my lovers hand as we make our way out of the door. I bring him all the way to a utility closet on the third floor when the bell rings for the next class. I pull him inside and close the door. It's dark but I can still see him. I put my hands on either side of his face. He is panting slightly as if he thinks he might need the air. I wonder if he remembers any of that. Often I wish I could remember my human life and then I think if I could I wouldn't like it or I would be disappointed. Maybe I don't want to remember something so terrible.

"Jazz," I whisper. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to tell that story. I wouldn't have let you go. I'm terrible! I should've figured it out!"

"No," he says and rests his shaking hands on my back and wraps them around me so that our bodies are close again. "No," he says again. "It's not your fault, Ally."

He is the only one that calls me that and most people don't even know. I feel special when he does.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I'm sorry that you had to do that."

He shakes his head and sighs, biting his lip.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask.

"I don't want to think about it right now. That did happen. It was me. I remember watching him. I had to leave because my orders were to leave not because someone yelled at me to. I had to leave because they told me to keep going and honestly because I didn't want to be there, watching him die. I knew that he would and that I wasn't allowed to help him."

I don't say anything as I run my fingers through his hair gently. I play with it and curl it around my fingers. I lean close to him and watch as his lips move to talk to me.

"I didn't want to Ally," he says with some emotion. "I was proud to be a soldier. The killing did bother me but I was able to not let anyone know it to be true until that one. Because then it was someone I knew and I could've saved him but I didn't. I told my father and he said that happens in war and that I have to be brave. I told him I would be. And so I was and I didn't speak about it again. But hearing someone else speak about it…I feel like the bad guy."

"Jasper you are not the bad guy. In the Civil War it wasn't that easy. There weren't good guys and bad guys all the time. You were fighting and so was he. You were doing what you were told. You didn't take his life."

"But I didn't save him either."

"You weren't supposed to," I say and lean up to his face. He leans down so that he can closer to mine.

"Kiss me," I say.

"We're in a closet."

"So what? Kiss me."

So he does. He kisses me several times, holding me close before he pulls away with darkness in his eyes and his hands shaking slightly, the need pouring off of his body. I could see our future and I wanted to get home right away to fulfill it.

"Jazz," I whisper. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I think so."

"I don't think you should go to school tomorrow. I'll stay back with you. We'll go hunting and have a date or something."

"I can go to school," he argues.

"I know you can but maybe if you don't want to-"

"Ally I can do it. It's just talking."

"Jasper I don't want it to bother you. If they were talking about my past and I didn't like it I wouldn't go."

"But I would."

I smile a little bit.

"I know. Because you're brave but you don't have to be…not around me. Around me you just have to be my boyfriend, my lover, my savior…my favorite person in the whole world. And that means that if you don't like something or something scares you or makes you upset or angry then you can tell me."

I see passion and trust in his eyes. He knows that what I am telling him is the truth.

"I love you forever and ever Jasper Whitlock Hale. I will always love you," I whisper.

"I love you Alice," he says. "Maybe you are right. I have a lot of things to think about and this isn't one of them. I don't have to relive something that happened all of those years ago. It doesn't matter anymore. Plus I am getting kind of hungry."

He kisses me again with his lips capturing mine and tugging on it. I fall against his chest and catch myself with my hands on his shoulders. His large hands touch the back of my neck and then fall into my hair for several moments as our lips meet over and over.

"Jazz," I whisper as a reaction. "That's not the same kind of hunger I was talking about."

He moans as he kisses my neck hard and then pushes my hips against his.

"There's no one home right now. Esme and Carlisle are at work. Rosalie and Emmett are at school. The house is empty…we wouldn't have to be quiet."

"Sounds like an offer," I say with a smile as I sigh and my knees go weak against his soft, luscious lips.

"Maybe I shouldn't go tomorrow," he offers. "I have something much better in mind."

He leans down for another kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

"Son, I have something to tell you," he says and then smiles despite himself. I watch it happen in a vision. I know that I shouldn't…that I am listening in on something that is not mine. But I want to know what they are saying. They must know that I can see them if I want to and sometimes if I don't want to. For example, there are plenty of things I did not need to know about my sister that I know because of this "gift."

"Wow," he pauses. "I do love calling you that. I love all of my children, Jasper. I hope you realize that you are one of them now. Edward was the first, sure. He was my friend before anything else. When Rosalie requested that I change Emmett I was not disappointed. I knew he would be her mate and he deserved to be saved. I don't regret biting the people that I did for good."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," Jasper says. "I don't really understand the point of this."

He smiles and waves his hand as if dismissing the comment.

"Yes well, I just wanted you to know that you are very important to the family and I. Emmett loves having a brother that is less…cynical than Edward. Though I love all of my children the same I argue that you love someone here more than you will ever love anyone in the world."

He pauses as if looking at something that is not really there. If I were in his head I bet I would be seeing images of Esme in varying forms and styles float around. I know who he loves.

"I know I do," he adds.

"Yes," Jasper admits. "I do as well."

"I learned a long time ago that when you fall in love with someone you have to seize the moment because it might not be there when you come back for it. I changed Esme because I felt I had to. But she is the only one that I changed that was somewhat selfish of me. I suppose Edward was too, but he was not my choice. I did not want to see such a beautiful creature wasted. I needed to be with her. I needed to see her every morning when I got up and every night when I went into my room. I wanted to learn from her and bring her along with me."

Jasper was understanding where this was going but he was a little uncomfortable.

"I married her a few years later. Rosalie and Emmett have already been married twice. Rose likes the attention of course and Emmett doesn't mind a few more honeymoons."

They both laugh now. The discomfort subsided with a simple comment of their fellow members.

"I guess what I mean is that I think it's someone else's turn to get married."

He seems a little surprised. He doesn't want to speak, clearly. He adjusts his shoulders, pushing his hands behind his back as he bows his head in response.

"Sir I don't—"

"Carlisle," he corrects and puts his hand on his son's shoulder. "Just call me Carlisle, son."

"Carlisle…I don't know if I can do that."

I can see the struggle all over his body. He doesn't want to say it but he believes the statement to be true. I don't know why. I'll never understand why he thinks he isn't worth enough.

"Yes you can. She loves you," he says. Jasper looks visibly hurt from the statement. He turns away from Carlisle and then back to him with a saddened expression.

"You must know that to be true!"

"I know!" he says and then calms down and sighs with his hand on his forehead. "I know she loves me. I just don't want to disappoint her. I lost so much during the wars with Maria. I am not saying that I will never be okay but I am not good enough for her. I never will be."

"She doesn't see it that way," Carlisle says.

"Why?" he asks because he really, honestly doesn't know how I could love someone like him.

Carlisle laughs as if it is a silly question. He can see why I love Jasper just like so many people can. He is a lovable man. He is kind and strong and incredibly brave. He is selfless and understanding. He's willing yet gentle and smart. He is everything I need in a man or in a friend.

"You are everything to her Jasper. When she woke up…you were the only thing she saw. Therefor, the only thing she knew at all. She needs someone that needs her more than she needs him. That might sound silly but it is true of a very few girls in our time. She doesn't just want to take care of you, Jasper. She wants to be with you. You are her friend and her favorite person in the world. You are in love."

He stops for a moment so that Jasper can take in what our father is saying.

"Marry the girl!" he says.

Jasper seems to smile and look down. He looks back up and shrugs. He wants to do it but he doesn't believe that he is good enough.

"Believe me, son if you do something she doesn't like she is going to tell you. There are many things about Alice that I love but one of them is that she is loyally honest."

"How do I do it?" Jasper asks. Carlisle smiles and puts his hand on my boyfriend's shoulder.

"Like you would do anything else…with your southern charm."


	11. Chapter 11

**Jasper POV. I know it's been a while. But this is a good one... Enjoy!**

"What is all this for?" she asks as she enters the balcony. I have set up a beautiful setting of pink peonies on the center of the table and a cascading line of them across the railing. I move her chair for her and we sit down across from each other.

"Thank you," she says.

"My pleasure, ma'am."

She smiles at me as I take my seat and reach my hands across the table. I push the glass of blood toward her.

"Ah…is this supposed to be a casual dinner date?" she asks.

"More like a nice dinner date," I say, sitting back so that she can see my dress pants and button up blue shirt. I push my hair out of my face and then take an unnecessary deep breath. I know that I don't need it. Something inside me just wants the air. I suppose that even someone like me can be nervous.

I try to focus on Alice's emotions instead. She is not nervous at all. She is curious but not suspicious and there is an overwhelming calming gesture that I can feel from her. It's relaxing and soothing, almost like a nice dinner date in the middle of a chaotic life.

"Alice," I say.

"Yes?" she asks with that perfect smile that makes me fall in love with her just a little bit more. I lean forward and hold out my hand. She reaches her hands over to mine, placing them in my rough, large fingers. Her hands are so much smaller and more careful. They are beautiful.

"I thought that perhaps we should make our relationship official. We have been living together for some time. It is not as if either of us have rules about what we do. Perhaps, we can find some kind of way to mutualize our relationship," I say. I regret every word as it comes out. It is not good enough. Nothing could be good enough for my love. She is too beautiful, too careful and too gentle for me.

"What are you trying to say, Jazz?" she asks.

I suddenly don't remember how to speak, or even feel anything. I stand and talk over to her. I decide that this is the best time. If I don't just say it, I might not be able to at all.

"Jazz? Are you alright?" she asks.

"Yes, my Alice."

"Are you sure?" she asks again. I can feel her worry, her fear. I try to swallow it back. Fear is an overwhelming emotion. It makes me feel as if I can't even process my own thoughts. That fear is enough to make me shake and my eyes to waver. I can feel it in my heart, digging a hole into my soul. I try to push it away. But fear from my Alice is not fear that I can push away. I care about her. Her emotions are in me almost harder than my own—as if we are connected.

"I know you try not to see what I have been thinking and doing. I have been trying to keep it from my thoughts as best as I can. However, I am sure you know."

She smirks but then shakes her head with her shoulders back and her head high.

"I don't think I know what you mean," she says, clearly knowing. Part of that makes me smile in return. I grab the ring box from my pocket and open it as I kneel in front of her.

"Perhaps nothing that we do is traditional. Perhaps all we know is that we have eternity to figure out where and how we belong. Perhaps it will take that long. You have been there at my darkest moments," I tell her with the box still in my hands. I reach out and take one of her hands. It steadies me just enough for me to remember how to relax under her touch. It steadies my own thoughts.

Now I feel nothing but elation from her. It makes me almost giddy. I cannot remove the same from my face or the warm feeling I am getting all over my body.

"I love you more than the world, Alice. I want you to know that every day for the rest of our lives I will make you happy. I know this is what you want. After thinking about it, all I want is to feel elation with you. Mary Alice Brandon Cullen. Will you marry me?"

A smile as perfect as anything comes across her face.

"Yes."

I take the ring out of it's place and slip it onto her finger. She looks down at the three large diamonds in heart settings and smiles. I can feel her happiness and also how proud she is.

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you, Jasper. I'll love you forever. I can't wait to marry you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Alice and Jasper are ready to get married! Very sweet.**

"What are you so nervous about?" Emmett asks. "It's not like you didn't already get the good part."

"This is important to Alice. And if this were a normal life, it would be the only thing I was thinking about," I admit as I adjust the jacket of my suite. I look in the mirror, fixing my hair and then trying to remember what to do or say.

"If this were different, Alice would've had her father give her away. She doesn't even know her father, Emmett."

"Jasper, she wants to be with you. She doesn't care about all of that other stuff you're worrying about."

I shake my head, fixing the edge of my cuffs. Emmett walks over to me and grabs my sleeves. He fixes them for me with a small laugh. He pushes my arms back down by sides and stands in front of me, making me look to my brother.

"As your brother, I am supposed to tell you to get laid tonight. As your friend, I am telling you to calm the hell down and enjoy this day. It's a party. Dance with her, drink blood, enjoy yourself. Stop worrying about all that other stuff that no one else is thinking about," Emmett says.

She doesn't know everything yet. She doesn't know some of the terrible things that I have done. She doesn't know that I don't know how to tell her or even how to start.

"Jasper," Edward says. I turn around to look at him. He looks sympathetic. "She wants to be with you. She is aware that you have not told her everything. She is patient with you, Jasper. Give her more credit." There was a small smile that gave me just enough confidence to nod back and trust him.

"You're right," I agree.

I roll my shoulders back and adjust my jacket in the mirror. Edward fixes it on my shoulders and then Emmett pats me on the back.

"You're gonna be great, man," Emmett says with a smile. It is not a joke. He is actually being sincere. "Being a vampire, a man, any job you've ever had…there is no greater honor than that of being a husband."

Emmett leaves the room, making me smile.

Edward pats me on the shoulder.

"I don't know what blood he's been drinking," Edward admits. "But I'm happy for you."

He turns to the door but I think about grabbing his arm to turn him bak around. He doesn't even let me get that far. He turns to me with his hands in his pockets. Before I even form the question I want to ask about Alice, he is ready to answer it.

"She's excited," he says. "She's elated, actually and she's ready to be married to you."

"She's nervous," I say. I can feel it.

He shakes his head.

"Your misinterpreting it. She's excited," Edward says with confidence. "I promise."

He's probably right. Edward turns to leave.

"Of course I'm right," he says right before he is gone and I am alone. But for me, alone means fear. I am nervous but those nervous quickly turn to fear as I stand here, staring into the mirror and realizing how many more terrifying stories I am going to have to tell Alice over time. I want to keep them all from her but sooner or later she is going to want to know everything and I will not deny her that access.

I hear movement to my right. I turn to it. It's Carlisle with his blonde hair slicked back and his suite in perfect condition, not a hair out of place. He turns the corner with a smile on his face that is nothing but genuine. I can feel happiness radiating off of him. It makes me feel better, almost as if I don't have to lie anymore.

"Your brothers tell me you're terrified," Carlisle says.

"Not quite. Just nervous," I say, though I can feel some fear. I am trying to ignore it for Alice's sake.

"Come on," Carlisle says with a smile. "Alice is so excited. I promise the moment you see her, everything you know will go away. You will exist only for the purpose of her happiness."

I almost laugh at that.

"I already do."

We walk to the spot where we wait for the guests to finish arriving and taking their seats. I stand in the back of the beautiful gala building, staring straight forward, wondering exactly what she is going to look like when she comes down the aisle.

The thought of her in a wedding dress has always made me smile. Making her mine this day, just the way we have wanted to be, the perfect relationship is exactly what I am fantasizing about.

"Jasper, it's time son," Carlisle says. I nod toward him and then make my way toward the aisle. As I walk down and people nod toward me and smile, I realize this is the first time many of them have ever seen me smile. If we were to be married back when I was really only seventeen years old, she would have worn a long, plain dress. It would have been hot. We would have sweat through the ceremony as we wed in a church with ten to twelve people. Our families would cry and clap at the end. We would have eaten cake and it would have all been over. That night we would have laid in bed, nervous and staring at each other's naked bodies without a single thought of what we're supposed to do.

Then I wait.

First, Edward walks down with Esme. Then Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett stands beside me and Rosalie beside Alice. The music changes and I know what is about to happen.

Encircled in Carlisle's arm, my Alice walks down the aisle toward her fate.


	13. NEW PUBLISHED BOOK

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